This blog is about me, about the new challenges and experiences in the day to day life of being a 21 year old single mother.
This blog isn't going to be sugar-coated. It could get nasty, it can be cute, but most of all; It's going to be real.
About me:
I'm the youngest of three kids born in Ohio. [ Yes I'm a flat lander, and No I'm not afraid to tell someone. ] I went on to private schools in fourth grade, found God [ lost him for a bit too ] , moved out of my parents' place at 18 [ and moved back in at 20 ] , Got pregnant [ unknowingly ] , Got my heart broken and had a baby. I'd say that's the short story. I don't want to put you to sleep with the details, especially when I'm sure some of them will come up eventually in the following posts for you to better understand.
OK, so here's the beginning of our little story.
Addison Grace was born on December 13th, 2010 at 9:54p.m. to a scared 21 year old girl who didn't even know how to DRESS a baby yet alone have one. My sister has two kids of her own, so i had the diaper thing down, but dressing the little tikes was something missing from my mommy resume. Needless to say, I had no clue what was about to happen. After being in labor for 36 hours at home, [ It started on Saturday morning and I didn't go into the hospital for my "active labor" until 6am the following Monday, ] I had finally reached the home-stretch and delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl and I thought the hard part was over. SO I THOUGHT.
Do you remember in high school where you got those computer babies with the key and all you had to do was turn it when it made noise? [ Or for you old folks out there; Those eggs that you sharpie'd a face onto, gave it a name, and just made sure you didn't crack it? ] I thought that it was going to be somewhat like that. Like every time the baby cried all you had to do was one simple maneuver and the baby became happy again....WRONG! Its like all the sudden everything is quiet and WHAM! a banshee-battle-cry lets loose and you jump up like roll call running around the house looking for a bottle, or a pacifier, or all the diaper changing items when the only thing the baby wanted was her blanket tucked in again.
I'm not complaining, I love my daughter with every fiber of my being, and would jump off cliffs if need be for her. I just had no idea that I'd become a human stair-lifter running around the house frantically searching for something at 3 am.
Since getting into the swing of things now 2 1/2 months later, its STILL tougher than I'd ever thought. I'm all alone when it comes to waking up in the middle of the night for changings, feedings and consoling when she has her scary baby-dreams. Those of you who have a partner to help you through this, bake them a cake or buy them a new car. You'll never understand how important having someone there to help you is until it's 4:37 a.m. , you haven't slept in 54 hours and you're in half-sleep mode about to drift off into the best coma of your life when all the sudden it starts back up again. And from you single mothers out there, it gets easier once your body adjusts to the sleep deprivation. I know, I know, sleep when the baby sleeps. By a show of hands are there any new first time moms who can honestly say that as soon as they lay the baby in their crib/bassinet/napper they can just lay down and magically fall asleep within seconds? and yes, I mean seconds because that's all you have sometimes; Those magical seconds of sleep before the timer of the stove goes off for dinner or the buzzer on the dryer goes off to finish the laundry or the dishwasher is done and needs unloading.----> nobody? I thought so.
PLUS you gotta worry about going back to work! finding people to help watch the baby when you do decide to return to work is a challenge in itself because not only do you have to find people who WANT to, but who can co-inside with your work schedule. Me, I'm picky when it comes to who I trust to be alone with my baby and I see nothing wrong in being that way. I had some rough babysitters growing up, and never want my daughter to go through what I had to endure. I can hear you thinking, "Well, why doesn't she just not go back to work or work from home?" To those of you who have the ability to work from home, Kudos to you. Go for it. Meanwhile, I serve beer and wings to people in a sports bar on the other side of town to make my living, and couldn't even afford to live off what I was making pre-baby. Plus, I'm not the type to just sit at home and NOT want to go out and get a job. I was pulled out of work at 38wks because of some health issues and everyone I know will tell you I fought to the death at trying to make it work somehow until my doctor pulled the plug on my efforts. I've always been a worker, always will be.
I don't know what will happen when I return. By now, there's been a whole new roundup of employees, some letting go of old ones, shifting of positions and promotions and new rules taken into effect. Hell, I don't even know if my uniform will fit me properly since the last time I wore it I looked like a beached whale that walked like a penguin. Who knows, maybe they'll give me a new one because they decided to change the style or uniform colors or whatever.
I just don't know what the future holds and I don't know what to expect out of my day-to-day life anymore. I've never had this happen before and I'm not too sure if I'm ready for it. It's gonna be an adventure, that's for sure. But I'll keep ya posted. Until then, the baby JUST NOW fell asleep so I'm gonna try that magic trick and get some rest myself.
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