ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!! I know its been far too long for me to keep this updated, but im trying my best here...sheesh. Just kidding everyone, i've meant to update and keep everyone informed, but work and baby is much more involved than one would believe. So i went back to work three weeks ago, decent schedule...bad tips :[ . But my schedule is getting better and the money is slowly and steadily increasing again :] Gotta love march madness kicking this back into motion huh?
So, anyway. things have been crazier than expected. Ive finally got her schedule down, to a certain extent, and can manage her needs/wants. I'm still having trouble adjusting to the lifestyle as a new mom on a larger scale though. Single, its amazingly tough to even attempt a social life and make new friends with the schedule consisting of work, baby, sleep, baby, work, sleep and repeat. Its hard to see all my old friends going out for a drink after work and when they say, "hey, why dont you join us?" 9/10ths of the time its "sorry, i gotta get the baby from her dad's" or "the sitter can only have her until yadda yadda". Plus i dont have the money to spare even for one drink or dinner with friends. with gas prices climbing, and working 18 miles from where your staying...aside from the diapers and wipes, formula and the never ending search for clothes that she wont grow out of in a week, i can barely keep myself fed.
I keep her needs satisfied at any means necessary, even if that includes killing my social life and being malnourished. In the end, i may sound like all im doing is complaining, but hey, you didnt have to read my blog. and if you did. its because you wanna know what goes through the head of a single 21 year old mother of a 3 month old baby. I have no regrets in my life, given id definately change the circumstances, but i wouldnt change the outcome of anything. I adore my daughter, and can barely stand working long hours for the inner control freak starts missing her and NEEDING to know if shes happy. As long as my little bug is happy, i could care less if the world turned over. [which for me, it has, numerous times so im equipped to handle it again]
write again soon. and in a much more positive light.
Goodnight moon :]
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