Things have been going well since I last published my itty-bity rant. Chalk it up to the hormones still regulating, but whatever... Ive decided its not worth it to be negative. it rubs off on everyone, including Addison... and thats something i never want her to feel...depression.
SO i saw a doctor. Im getting the help i need with the overwhelming feeling with having everything come at me all at once. so far, so good. I have my moments, but hey. Who doesnt? I will share this about it. seeing someone to talk to and getting the help necessary is a good idea, ONLY IF YOURE WILLING TO MAKE IT WORK. ive been though the ringer about all this pre-baby, and it fell through because i denied thinking i need help. but here's my dirty little secret. ive come to realize im not wonder-woman, zooming through the air handling the giant sea-beast with a whip of my hair and a smile. i need help. wether that be by talking about it to someone regularly, or seeing a doctor to handle the anxiety. or a combniation. its whats best for me, my daughter and everyone involved in my life.
IN OTHER NEWS> Im saving to buy Addison a crib and the trimmings of the set i fell in love with. All i need is to actually be able to save. [never been good with that sort of thing but im working on it okay?] Its A-dor-a-ble. Everyhting i wanted when i was pregnant. ANd if i estimate correctly, i should have it my the end of May. Which is perfect timing, seeing as addison's pack and play, [what im currently using as her bassinnet] is not going to hold up too much longer. shes nearly half a pound from the weight limit on it, so even if i cant get the bedding and trimmings for the crib, i need to have the crib at least ordered in the next two- two and a half weeks.
Im thinking about going through the clothes she cant wear anymore and donating them or selling them to a resale shop. but i dont wanna let go of my favorite outfits i have of hers... and its a waste to just throw them away. THERE ARE SOOO MANY CLOTHES> i dont even have a single drawer in a large three-drawer dresser for my clothes. my little fashionista.
speaking of organizing, i should probably get a head start on re-organizing my room. spring is here... meaning i need to de-clutter from the events of winter.[having a baby and the slew of baby clothes involved.] plus my form of spring cleaning involves doing three things: 1) going through the clothes and separating whats what, 2) moving furniture [I'll save that for daylight hours as to not wake the household], 3) making wishlists of what i want for the summer [like the bedding set and decor for addison]
^^basically wishful thinking to keep me positive. and anyone who knows me knows i do these three things in random order. My life= random chaos. the way im used to it, the way ive been raised, the way of life ive come to know.
but forreal. its 2 a.m. and Addison will be up in < if not eaqual to 4 hours.
GoodNight Moon :]
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Chapter 2 : Update 03-11-11
ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!! I know its been far too long for me to keep this updated, but im trying my best here...sheesh. Just kidding everyone, i've meant to update and keep everyone informed, but work and baby is much more involved than one would believe. So i went back to work three weeks ago, decent schedule...bad tips :[ . But my schedule is getting better and the money is slowly and steadily increasing again :] Gotta love march madness kicking this back into motion huh?
So, anyway. things have been crazier than expected. Ive finally got her schedule down, to a certain extent, and can manage her needs/wants. I'm still having trouble adjusting to the lifestyle as a new mom on a larger scale though. Single, its amazingly tough to even attempt a social life and make new friends with the schedule consisting of work, baby, sleep, baby, work, sleep and repeat. Its hard to see all my old friends going out for a drink after work and when they say, "hey, why dont you join us?" 9/10ths of the time its "sorry, i gotta get the baby from her dad's" or "the sitter can only have her until yadda yadda". Plus i dont have the money to spare even for one drink or dinner with friends. with gas prices climbing, and working 18 miles from where your staying...aside from the diapers and wipes, formula and the never ending search for clothes that she wont grow out of in a week, i can barely keep myself fed.
I keep her needs satisfied at any means necessary, even if that includes killing my social life and being malnourished. In the end, i may sound like all im doing is complaining, but hey, you didnt have to read my blog. and if you did. its because you wanna know what goes through the head of a single 21 year old mother of a 3 month old baby. I have no regrets in my life, given id definately change the circumstances, but i wouldnt change the outcome of anything. I adore my daughter, and can barely stand working long hours for the inner control freak starts missing her and NEEDING to know if shes happy. As long as my little bug is happy, i could care less if the world turned over. [which for me, it has, numerous times so im equipped to handle it again]
write again soon. and in a much more positive light.
Goodnight moon :]
So, anyway. things have been crazier than expected. Ive finally got her schedule down, to a certain extent, and can manage her needs/wants. I'm still having trouble adjusting to the lifestyle as a new mom on a larger scale though. Single, its amazingly tough to even attempt a social life and make new friends with the schedule consisting of work, baby, sleep, baby, work, sleep and repeat. Its hard to see all my old friends going out for a drink after work and when they say, "hey, why dont you join us?" 9/10ths of the time its "sorry, i gotta get the baby from her dad's" or "the sitter can only have her until yadda yadda". Plus i dont have the money to spare even for one drink or dinner with friends. with gas prices climbing, and working 18 miles from where your staying...aside from the diapers and wipes, formula and the never ending search for clothes that she wont grow out of in a week, i can barely keep myself fed.
I keep her needs satisfied at any means necessary, even if that includes killing my social life and being malnourished. In the end, i may sound like all im doing is complaining, but hey, you didnt have to read my blog. and if you did. its because you wanna know what goes through the head of a single 21 year old mother of a 3 month old baby. I have no regrets in my life, given id definately change the circumstances, but i wouldnt change the outcome of anything. I adore my daughter, and can barely stand working long hours for the inner control freak starts missing her and NEEDING to know if shes happy. As long as my little bug is happy, i could care less if the world turned over. [which for me, it has, numerous times so im equipped to handle it again]
write again soon. and in a much more positive light.
Goodnight moon :]
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