Things have been going well since I last published my itty-bity rant. Chalk it up to the hormones still regulating, but whatever... Ive decided its not worth it to be negative. it rubs off on everyone, including Addison... and thats something i never want her to feel...depression.
SO i saw a doctor. Im getting the help i need with the overwhelming feeling with having everything come at me all at once. so far, so good. I have my moments, but hey. Who doesnt? I will share this about it. seeing someone to talk to and getting the help necessary is a good idea, ONLY IF YOURE WILLING TO MAKE IT WORK. ive been though the ringer about all this pre-baby, and it fell through because i denied thinking i need help. but here's my dirty little secret. ive come to realize im not wonder-woman, zooming through the air handling the giant sea-beast with a whip of my hair and a smile. i need help. wether that be by talking about it to someone regularly, or seeing a doctor to handle the anxiety. or a combniation. its whats best for me, my daughter and everyone involved in my life.
IN OTHER NEWS> Im saving to buy Addison a crib and the trimmings of the set i fell in love with. All i need is to actually be able to save. [never been good with that sort of thing but im working on it okay?] Its A-dor-a-ble. Everyhting i wanted when i was pregnant. ANd if i estimate correctly, i should have it my the end of May. Which is perfect timing, seeing as addison's pack and play, [what im currently using as her bassinnet] is not going to hold up too much longer. shes nearly half a pound from the weight limit on it, so even if i cant get the bedding and trimmings for the crib, i need to have the crib at least ordered in the next two- two and a half weeks.
Im thinking about going through the clothes she cant wear anymore and donating them or selling them to a resale shop. but i dont wanna let go of my favorite outfits i have of hers... and its a waste to just throw them away. THERE ARE SOOO MANY CLOTHES> i dont even have a single drawer in a large three-drawer dresser for my clothes. my little fashionista.
speaking of organizing, i should probably get a head start on re-organizing my room. spring is here... meaning i need to de-clutter from the events of winter.[having a baby and the slew of baby clothes involved.] plus my form of spring cleaning involves doing three things: 1) going through the clothes and separating whats what, 2) moving furniture [I'll save that for daylight hours as to not wake the household], 3) making wishlists of what i want for the summer [like the bedding set and decor for addison]
^^basically wishful thinking to keep me positive. and anyone who knows me knows i do these three things in random order. My life= random chaos. the way im used to it, the way ive been raised, the way of life ive come to know.
but forreal. its 2 a.m. and Addison will be up in < if not eaqual to 4 hours.
GoodNight Moon :]
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Chapter 2 : Update 03-11-11
ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!! I know its been far too long for me to keep this updated, but im trying my best here...sheesh. Just kidding everyone, i've meant to update and keep everyone informed, but work and baby is much more involved than one would believe. So i went back to work three weeks ago, decent schedule...bad tips :[ . But my schedule is getting better and the money is slowly and steadily increasing again :] Gotta love march madness kicking this back into motion huh?
So, anyway. things have been crazier than expected. Ive finally got her schedule down, to a certain extent, and can manage her needs/wants. I'm still having trouble adjusting to the lifestyle as a new mom on a larger scale though. Single, its amazingly tough to even attempt a social life and make new friends with the schedule consisting of work, baby, sleep, baby, work, sleep and repeat. Its hard to see all my old friends going out for a drink after work and when they say, "hey, why dont you join us?" 9/10ths of the time its "sorry, i gotta get the baby from her dad's" or "the sitter can only have her until yadda yadda". Plus i dont have the money to spare even for one drink or dinner with friends. with gas prices climbing, and working 18 miles from where your staying...aside from the diapers and wipes, formula and the never ending search for clothes that she wont grow out of in a week, i can barely keep myself fed.
I keep her needs satisfied at any means necessary, even if that includes killing my social life and being malnourished. In the end, i may sound like all im doing is complaining, but hey, you didnt have to read my blog. and if you did. its because you wanna know what goes through the head of a single 21 year old mother of a 3 month old baby. I have no regrets in my life, given id definately change the circumstances, but i wouldnt change the outcome of anything. I adore my daughter, and can barely stand working long hours for the inner control freak starts missing her and NEEDING to know if shes happy. As long as my little bug is happy, i could care less if the world turned over. [which for me, it has, numerous times so im equipped to handle it again]
write again soon. and in a much more positive light.
Goodnight moon :]
So, anyway. things have been crazier than expected. Ive finally got her schedule down, to a certain extent, and can manage her needs/wants. I'm still having trouble adjusting to the lifestyle as a new mom on a larger scale though. Single, its amazingly tough to even attempt a social life and make new friends with the schedule consisting of work, baby, sleep, baby, work, sleep and repeat. Its hard to see all my old friends going out for a drink after work and when they say, "hey, why dont you join us?" 9/10ths of the time its "sorry, i gotta get the baby from her dad's" or "the sitter can only have her until yadda yadda". Plus i dont have the money to spare even for one drink or dinner with friends. with gas prices climbing, and working 18 miles from where your staying...aside from the diapers and wipes, formula and the never ending search for clothes that she wont grow out of in a week, i can barely keep myself fed.
I keep her needs satisfied at any means necessary, even if that includes killing my social life and being malnourished. In the end, i may sound like all im doing is complaining, but hey, you didnt have to read my blog. and if you did. its because you wanna know what goes through the head of a single 21 year old mother of a 3 month old baby. I have no regrets in my life, given id definately change the circumstances, but i wouldnt change the outcome of anything. I adore my daughter, and can barely stand working long hours for the inner control freak starts missing her and NEEDING to know if shes happy. As long as my little bug is happy, i could care less if the world turned over. [which for me, it has, numerous times so im equipped to handle it again]
write again soon. and in a much more positive light.
Goodnight moon :]
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Chapter 1: New Beginnings
Hey bloggers and thanks for stumbling upon my page. My name is April, and my newest addition to my life's name is Addison. [Hence the Asquared]
This blog is about me, about the new challenges and experiences in the day to day life of being a 21 year old single mother.
This blog isn't going to be sugar-coated. It could get nasty, it can be cute, but most of all; It's going to be real.
About me:
I'm the youngest of three kids born in Ohio. [ Yes I'm a flat lander, and No I'm not afraid to tell someone. ] I went on to private schools in fourth grade, found God [ lost him for a bit too ] , moved out of my parents' place at 18 [ and moved back in at 20 ] , Got pregnant [ unknowingly ] , Got my heart broken and had a baby. I'd say that's the short story. I don't want to put you to sleep with the details, especially when I'm sure some of them will come up eventually in the following posts for you to better understand.
OK, so here's the beginning of our little story.
Addison Grace was born on December 13th, 2010 at 9:54p.m. to a scared 21 year old girl who didn't even know how to DRESS a baby yet alone have one. My sister has two kids of her own, so i had the diaper thing down, but dressing the little tikes was something missing from my mommy resume. Needless to say, I had no clue what was about to happen. After being in labor for 36 hours at home, [ It started on Saturday morning and I didn't go into the hospital for my "active labor" until 6am the following Monday, ] I had finally reached the home-stretch and delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl and I thought the hard part was over. SO I THOUGHT.
Do you remember in high school where you got those computer babies with the key and all you had to do was turn it when it made noise? [ Or for you old folks out there; Those eggs that you sharpie'd a face onto, gave it a name, and just made sure you didn't crack it? ] I thought that it was going to be somewhat like that. Like every time the baby cried all you had to do was one simple maneuver and the baby became happy again....WRONG! Its like all the sudden everything is quiet and WHAM! a banshee-battle-cry lets loose and you jump up like roll call running around the house looking for a bottle, or a pacifier, or all the diaper changing items when the only thing the baby wanted was her blanket tucked in again.
I'm not complaining, I love my daughter with every fiber of my being, and would jump off cliffs if need be for her. I just had no idea that I'd become a human stair-lifter running around the house frantically searching for something at 3 am.
Since getting into the swing of things now 2 1/2 months later, its STILL tougher than I'd ever thought. I'm all alone when it comes to waking up in the middle of the night for changings, feedings and consoling when she has her scary baby-dreams. Those of you who have a partner to help you through this, bake them a cake or buy them a new car. You'll never understand how important having someone there to help you is until it's 4:37 a.m. , you haven't slept in 54 hours and you're in half-sleep mode about to drift off into the best coma of your life when all the sudden it starts back up again. And from you single mothers out there, it gets easier once your body adjusts to the sleep deprivation. I know, I know, sleep when the baby sleeps. By a show of hands are there any new first time moms who can honestly say that as soon as they lay the baby in their crib/bassinet/napper they can just lay down and magically fall asleep within seconds? and yes, I mean seconds because that's all you have sometimes; Those magical seconds of sleep before the timer of the stove goes off for dinner or the buzzer on the dryer goes off to finish the laundry or the dishwasher is done and needs unloading.----> nobody? I thought so.
PLUS you gotta worry about going back to work! finding people to help watch the baby when you do decide to return to work is a challenge in itself because not only do you have to find people who WANT to, but who can co-inside with your work schedule. Me, I'm picky when it comes to who I trust to be alone with my baby and I see nothing wrong in being that way. I had some rough babysitters growing up, and never want my daughter to go through what I had to endure. I can hear you thinking, "Well, why doesn't she just not go back to work or work from home?" To those of you who have the ability to work from home, Kudos to you. Go for it. Meanwhile, I serve beer and wings to people in a sports bar on the other side of town to make my living, and couldn't even afford to live off what I was making pre-baby. Plus, I'm not the type to just sit at home and NOT want to go out and get a job. I was pulled out of work at 38wks because of some health issues and everyone I know will tell you I fought to the death at trying to make it work somehow until my doctor pulled the plug on my efforts. I've always been a worker, always will be.
I don't know what will happen when I return. By now, there's been a whole new roundup of employees, some letting go of old ones, shifting of positions and promotions and new rules taken into effect. Hell, I don't even know if my uniform will fit me properly since the last time I wore it I looked like a beached whale that walked like a penguin. Who knows, maybe they'll give me a new one because they decided to change the style or uniform colors or whatever.
I just don't know what the future holds and I don't know what to expect out of my day-to-day life anymore. I've never had this happen before and I'm not too sure if I'm ready for it. It's gonna be an adventure, that's for sure. But I'll keep ya posted. Until then, the baby JUST NOW fell asleep so I'm gonna try that magic trick and get some rest myself.
Goodnight Moon.
This blog is about me, about the new challenges and experiences in the day to day life of being a 21 year old single mother.
This blog isn't going to be sugar-coated. It could get nasty, it can be cute, but most of all; It's going to be real.
About me:
I'm the youngest of three kids born in Ohio. [ Yes I'm a flat lander, and No I'm not afraid to tell someone. ] I went on to private schools in fourth grade, found God [ lost him for a bit too ] , moved out of my parents' place at 18 [ and moved back in at 20 ] , Got pregnant [ unknowingly ] , Got my heart broken and had a baby. I'd say that's the short story. I don't want to put you to sleep with the details, especially when I'm sure some of them will come up eventually in the following posts for you to better understand.
OK, so here's the beginning of our little story.
Addison Grace was born on December 13th, 2010 at 9:54p.m. to a scared 21 year old girl who didn't even know how to DRESS a baby yet alone have one. My sister has two kids of her own, so i had the diaper thing down, but dressing the little tikes was something missing from my mommy resume. Needless to say, I had no clue what was about to happen. After being in labor for 36 hours at home, [ It started on Saturday morning and I didn't go into the hospital for my "active labor" until 6am the following Monday, ] I had finally reached the home-stretch and delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl and I thought the hard part was over. SO I THOUGHT.
Do you remember in high school where you got those computer babies with the key and all you had to do was turn it when it made noise? [ Or for you old folks out there; Those eggs that you sharpie'd a face onto, gave it a name, and just made sure you didn't crack it? ] I thought that it was going to be somewhat like that. Like every time the baby cried all you had to do was one simple maneuver and the baby became happy again....WRONG! Its like all the sudden everything is quiet and WHAM! a banshee-battle-cry lets loose and you jump up like roll call running around the house looking for a bottle, or a pacifier, or all the diaper changing items when the only thing the baby wanted was her blanket tucked in again.
I'm not complaining, I love my daughter with every fiber of my being, and would jump off cliffs if need be for her. I just had no idea that I'd become a human stair-lifter running around the house frantically searching for something at 3 am.
Since getting into the swing of things now 2 1/2 months later, its STILL tougher than I'd ever thought. I'm all alone when it comes to waking up in the middle of the night for changings, feedings and consoling when she has her scary baby-dreams. Those of you who have a partner to help you through this, bake them a cake or buy them a new car. You'll never understand how important having someone there to help you is until it's 4:37 a.m. , you haven't slept in 54 hours and you're in half-sleep mode about to drift off into the best coma of your life when all the sudden it starts back up again. And from you single mothers out there, it gets easier once your body adjusts to the sleep deprivation. I know, I know, sleep when the baby sleeps. By a show of hands are there any new first time moms who can honestly say that as soon as they lay the baby in their crib/bassinet/napper they can just lay down and magically fall asleep within seconds? and yes, I mean seconds because that's all you have sometimes; Those magical seconds of sleep before the timer of the stove goes off for dinner or the buzzer on the dryer goes off to finish the laundry or the dishwasher is done and needs unloading.----> nobody? I thought so.
PLUS you gotta worry about going back to work! finding people to help watch the baby when you do decide to return to work is a challenge in itself because not only do you have to find people who WANT to, but who can co-inside with your work schedule. Me, I'm picky when it comes to who I trust to be alone with my baby and I see nothing wrong in being that way. I had some rough babysitters growing up, and never want my daughter to go through what I had to endure. I can hear you thinking, "Well, why doesn't she just not go back to work or work from home?" To those of you who have the ability to work from home, Kudos to you. Go for it. Meanwhile, I serve beer and wings to people in a sports bar on the other side of town to make my living, and couldn't even afford to live off what I was making pre-baby. Plus, I'm not the type to just sit at home and NOT want to go out and get a job. I was pulled out of work at 38wks because of some health issues and everyone I know will tell you I fought to the death at trying to make it work somehow until my doctor pulled the plug on my efforts. I've always been a worker, always will be.
I don't know what will happen when I return. By now, there's been a whole new roundup of employees, some letting go of old ones, shifting of positions and promotions and new rules taken into effect. Hell, I don't even know if my uniform will fit me properly since the last time I wore it I looked like a beached whale that walked like a penguin. Who knows, maybe they'll give me a new one because they decided to change the style or uniform colors or whatever.
I just don't know what the future holds and I don't know what to expect out of my day-to-day life anymore. I've never had this happen before and I'm not too sure if I'm ready for it. It's gonna be an adventure, that's for sure. But I'll keep ya posted. Until then, the baby JUST NOW fell asleep so I'm gonna try that magic trick and get some rest myself.
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